ODD represents the extreme end of the spectrum of noncompliant behavior in children, according to Dr. Russell Barkley, author of Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior .

When does normal defiant behavior in children become abnormal? "There are degrees of abnormality," he says, "but when the child's behavior begins to impair major life activities, including those in the community, in school, and in peer and family relationships," this impairment points to ODD.

According to the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders , ODD is characterized by "a pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months, during which at least four of the following are present:

• Often loses temper
• Often argues with adults
• Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
• Often deliberately annoys people
• Often blames others for his mistakes or misbehavior
• Often is touchy or easily annoyed by others
• Often angry and resentful
• Often spiteful or vindictive

Dr. Barkley lists four factors that converge to create ODD:

• A child's personality or temperament
• The temperaments of the child's parents
• Major stress events such as divorce, marital problems, or illness
• The parents' management of oppositional behavior

While the first three factors can predispose a child to ODD, Barkley says, it's well established that the fourth—parents' management of their child's behavior—is the factor that can actually bring out the symptoms and behavior of ODD.

"You expect to see a degree of oppositional behavior as a part of a child's development of their separate self," said the late Dr. Jerry Wiener, co-author of Textbook of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry . "In ODD, this stage isn't always handled very well, so behavior becomes hardened into a stubborn behavioral pattern in which the child feels he is being blocked or frustrated in his quest for independence."

"In adolescence," Dr. Weiner said, "ODD expands into unpleasantness at home and at school. These children have trouble holding after-school jobs because they are unpleasant and resistant. They have trouble with friends and in social situations. They need counseling." It's also crucial to rule out other diagnoses, such as :: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and :: depression .

If your child is not over her "terrible two's" by the age of five, or if you're getting feedback from others that your child's behavior is a problem, Dr. Barkley says, these are red flags. He encourages parents to ask neighbors, teachers, and local police to let them know what their kids are doing, particularly if they witness any problem behaviors. According to Dr. Wiener, because children with ODD are pretty much defiant across the board, if you get glowing reports from school despite seeing defiant behavior at home, chances are it's not ODD.

Since Jesse's diagnosis, Weppler has gotten Jesse counseling, arranged for interventions in school, and created a good support system at home. "He is becoming part of the world now, instead of being the center of his universe," says Weppler. "Two years ago, I was afraid I was raising a potential front page horror story. Now my kid is fun and he's going to be fine."

Jesse, now 11, remembers a time when it was hard to find things to do that wouldn't get him in trouble. Today, he is a skateboarder and frequently a role model for others in the classroom. He says, "It feels good that I can be an example to other kids who are having a harder time than me."